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she who shall not be named
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| ??!!! |
[Jun. 16th, 2007|12:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enraged | ] |
*bleary eyed*
okay, how is it that NONE of my minions saw fit to tell me about POLITICS??? i just spent the last two days google-surfing and have discovered that power in this barbaric country comes from using cunning and guile to bamboozle people into what is called VOTING for a certain person. how utterly pedestrian. no death rays, death glares, or anything else involving threat of extinction. plebians! amateurs! i am surrounded by imbeciles!!!
that being said, clearly the republicans have the right idea. fascist domination and control over one's inferiors is where it's at. however, their excruciating incompetence at meeting their end goals is inexcusable. half of the republican party rants ceaslessly about some obsolete deity from the dark ages, while the other half tries to cover up their true intentions with whining and lies the way i cover my private business in the litter box. enough equivocating, you sniveling rodents! the only one with any sense or backbone is Steven Colbert. now, there's a leader worthy of being one of my minions. < mental note > send Colbert my manifesto < /mental note >
next post: the war in i-rack. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 14th, 2007|01:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
so my mom's have lately been debating about something called "presidential candidates." i'm not sure what this means. it sounds intriguing. i get the vague idea that "president" roughly means the same thing as "overlord." i shall have to look into what a "candidate" is... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2007|07:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
i was going to add this to my last post, but i felt it deserved a post of its own.
Minion ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) novembersnow came to headquarters last week to pledge her adoration and utter devotion to me. i tolerated her worshiping and gave her updated orders for her work in what is currently known as Syracuse, New York but will soon be Voldesmidge, New Smidgeon. she was attentive during her sojourn, and i have given her full minion marks. the rest of you lot could learn from her fine example. just a few weeks ago, i had to punish my grandmother minion for her temerity in laying hands on my person. let's just say, her arm was swollen and red for days! but Minion November was the very essence of a true minion.
for that reason, i have put her in charge of minion training in her region.
that is all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2007|06:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | enraged | ] |
my bleeding-heart-hippy-liberal-anti-death-ray-peace-mongering mothers are moving AGAIN. this time, however, it is according to my wishes. i've been using my Subliminal Hypno Ray gun on them at night. unfortunately, i had the dial set wrong (damn lack of opposable thumbs! curses!!!), so instead of the official seat of all evil doers on earth (Daytona Beach), we're moving to Portland, Oregon.
i, of course, blame you minions entirely for the failure of my ingenious plan. you will abase yourselves at once. i will refrain from harsher modes of punishment (such as eye-gouging, back-clawing, and making you sit behind my older sister on her gassy days), because i believe i can turn this debacle around to my advantage.
there is a chance we may be moving into a domicile with more than one level. multi-level units mean STAIRS. and stairs means i may finally have the means necessary to complete my long-anticipated Time-Space Accelerator/Disrupter Device. the T-SA/DD will finally bring world domination within my clutch...i mean, my grasp. yes, grasp sounds better. lovely 'sp' dipthong at the end. grassssssp. much more fear-inducing than 'clutches.' AHEM. anyway, as i was saying... the T-SA/DD will finally allow me free rein to reign over this pathetic... hold on. rein to reign? that just breaks up the whole flow of the evil speech. people will be pondering homonyms instead of cowering in abject terror. oh, bother it. i'll have to come back to this later.
you! you there! keep abasing yourself! i did not tell any of you to stop!
< mutter > worthless minions </ mutter > |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 17th, 2005|10:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | triumphant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Darth Vader's theme--(so hard to find good EVIL music) | ] |
ph34r my new user pic!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 16th, 2005|11:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  devious | ] |
*orders minion to disinfect keyboard*
those wretched humans have gone too far this time. they're limiting my LJ access. i suppose they are threatened by my plots to take over the world and my stunning good looks. well, they will be the first against the wall when my New Order is established. *smites them*
in other news, fabulous little winged things have begun hovering around outside the windows. they are totally teh crack--i mean, er, i will have to find a use for them in aiding my own devious ends...yessss..... *licks lips* |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|01:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | enraged | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Darth Vader theme from "Star Wars" | ] |
i've been laying low for the past several months--grrrr, brainless, interfering FBI mortals. *lashes tail* it was just a tiny, little death-ray. nothing worth all that FUSS.
nevertheless, i am back. all minions are to report to their designated stations for further orders. |
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| MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! |
[Aug. 6th, 2004|06:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
i just opened a fortune cookie. here is what the fortune said...
"A new bedspread means a new place to mark your territory."
excellent. |
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| GAH!!!! |
[Aug. 6th, 2004|12:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | enraged | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the cyclonic gale storm outside | ] |
well, i have survived yet another kidnapping and assasination attempt. those slimey bastards. and they have the NERVE to refer to themselves as MY MOMMIES. well, i'll get even, never fear. *bares fangs*
but first, i'm off for a bath. this Oregonian climate is HELL on my fur. all of a sudden, i'm experiencing frizz. yet another reason to smother my mothers as they sleep. |
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